It’s Jef’s birthday soon and, being a man of simple pleasures, he has only requested one thing – an insanely hot chilli sauce. He already owns a bottle of Dave's Insanity Sauce, which makes me cry just to look at it and has a tongue-in-cheek message on the side claiming it can also be used to strip waxed floors and remove grease stains from driveways. At least I hope it's tongue-in-cheek. This is the even stronger sauce Jef wants to add to (his half of) dinner:
Chillis are measured on the Scoville scale, a measure similar to the Beaufort and decibel scales. Mad Dog 357 Special Edition measures 600,000 Scoville units. For comparison, a mouth-burning Scotch bonnet peaks at 325,000 units and the pleasant warmth of a jalapeno clocks in at a mere 5000 units. If a jalapeno is a gentle breeze, this sauce is a hurricane. If a Scotch bonnet is a noisy workplace, then this sauce is a jet engine. Taking off in your FACE.
Jef originally requested this sauce which, at a
brain-shattering four million Scoville units, needs to be added to food using a
pipette. I refused on the grounds that I will have no food in the house that
could kill a child. It is basically a terrifying weapon that should be
dismantled by specialists and the original recipe destroyed. IT SHOULDN’T BE.
So happy birthday, Jef. Happy throat-burning, eye-watering,
finger-blistering birthday.
First, we're happy to announce that the team has identified and fixed the issue with the YouTube conduit; you can now find and add videos from YouTube to your library and posts. As always, thanks for your patience!
The other news we have today is about a new addition to the Six Apart family: TypePad Micro, a new free level of TypePad that is streamlined for microblogging. We see a new form of blogging emerging that lives between the quick status updates of Twitter and Facebook and the long-form posts of "classic" blogging; TypePad Micro is designed to meet that need. You can read more about TypePad Micro in Chris Alden's post on the Everything TypePad blog.
A lot of the new capabilities we've added to TypePad this year were actually inspired by some of the best things about Vox: favoriting, member profiles, a dashboard to follow other bloggers, and easy ways to post content from other social media sites. But the things that make Vox different from TypePad are still there: Vox has always been -- and still is -- the best place for "friends and family" blogging, where you're in control over who sees what. TypePad, on the other hand, is built for the blogger who wants, no, craves, attention.
Do you have a passion or interest you want to share with people beyond your Vox neighborhood? If so, we'd love it if you tried out TypePad Micro. Maybe you've always wanted to start that obsessive blog that's just about waffle restaurants. Or want a place to share videos of your favorite band (Jonas Brothers, anyone? Anyone? ...). TypePad Micro's great for those topic-specific blogs. Take it for a spin and let us know what you think.
On the Vox front, our designers are working on some cool new themes (coming soon!). We'd also love to hear your thoughts about where we should take Vox in the coming year. What are the key things you'd like to see for Vox? If you've had a chance to use TypePad this year, what are the features there that we should bring over to Vox? And, if you're thinking big thoughts, how could we connect the Vox and TypePad communities in order to bring together bloggers and their shared passions? Your feedback is really important to us, so please leave a comment here, or shoot me a message.
And again, thanks for your patience as we found and fixed the YouTube bug!
~ daisy
As many of you have noticed, the YouTube Conduit is not working. I am so sorry about this; I know how frustrating it is.
The team is looking into how to get this fixed and I will update you as soon as I hear something. In the meantime, not all is lost... There is a work-around for posting videos.
When you're in the Compose Screen, just click on "embed." Ignore the fact that it says "Widget" before everything because you can definitely use this to embed videos as well. You'll just need to input the embed code from the video, enter a title (if you want) and hit OK.
It might not show up perfectly in your compose screen, but when you hit "Save," your video should appear just the way you wanted it to.
Hopefully this will allow you to keep posting videos while we figure out what's happening on our end.
As always, thanks for your patience.
Go forth and fill your libraries with media.
Seriously, thanks to everyone for being so amazing and patient. You are the reason I love Vox.
I was just told that the Amazon Conduit will be fixed by tomorrow. I will post here as soon as I get word that it's back up and running.
I know this has been frustrating and I am sorry there wasn't more I could do to make it less so. I really appreciate your patience though.
Cheers,
Bad news. As many of you have probably noticed, the Amazon Conduit was not fixed in the last week's release. Unfortunately, there was an undetected bug that is preventing the conduit from working.
We are working on this bug fix and hope to have the Conduit back up and running this week.
I will keep you posted.
Thank you for being so patient.
Blog Action Day is every October 15th, when blogger are asked to post something about a single issue to show our strength and conviction as an online community. It's a great way to feel connected to the greater good, and the participation of so many bloggers to support the world's leading non-profit organizations is something you can do to help, right now. By blogging today, you're supporting some of the world's leading non-profits and sharing your voice for change.
This year's topic is climate change, and we'd love to read your thoughts on the topic. If you participate, leave us a link to your post in the comments, so we know to check out your post!
Go to www.blogactionday.org to learn more, get a badge for your blog showing your participation, and see some ideas for your post on climate change.
Can't wait to read your posts!
~ daisy
...and oh my, what a book. Finished Dan Brown's latest? Desperate for something of similar calibre? Then you're going to LOVE The Mistress by Martine McCutcheon, aka Tiffany out of EastEnders, who seems to have foolishly forgotten to employ a ghost-writer for her debut novel. Her website describes it as "warm, sexy and heart-wrenchingly moving" although "tepid, predictable and ball-achingly dreadful" might be better, going by the first chapter at least. You can read the opening here but here are some of the best bits should you not wish to taint your brain with it:
He was a sweet, cheeky chappie in his thirties with cute dimples – a typical black-cab driver
‘Happy birthday, dharrling,’ purred her Russian friend Assia. ‘The fur jacket and dress are both divine.’
... with a misty air of spirituality she looked Mandy straight in the face and whispered loudly, ‘This is a rose quartz. I got it from the tree festival. It will bring you love.’
His eyes were beautiful, and despite being tired they sizzled, full of knowledge, some sadness but most of all, kindness.
and my favourite:
If you went for it, truly went for it, you could get the life you wanted here, and that was Mandy’s aim – to have it all. And why not? She’d read a greeting on a card once in Paperchase on the King’s Road that had truly stuck with her:
Reach for the moon, and even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.
It's like she's torn up her Marian Keyes, Sophie Kinsella and Louise Fielding novels, covered herself in glue, rolled around on the floor and handed in whatever stuck to her publishers.
Dear internet,
My weekend was so action-packed (note: this may not conform to other people’s definitions of the term) that I’m going to tell you all about it.
On Friday night, my volunteering shift was interrupted by a bumblebee as a big as a mouse. Honestly. Massive. I had to send three men out to deal with it – who reported back that it was actually the size of a poussin – and then it kept coming back in. Maybe it just wanted to talk. It was eventually banished with a flapping copy of Grazia.
Saturday night saw me sitting in the dark in a scout hut, clutching a plastic cup of wine, waiting to shout “SURPRISE!” at one of Jef’s friends who had been thrown a surprise birthday party. He didn’t cry/faint/fall over/run away/wet himself when the lights were turned on and all his family and friends were revealed, crouched under a peeling ‘Jesus Loves You’ poster. I would probably have done all five, and been sent home in disgrace.
The DJs looked like they were straight out of Phoenix Nights, talked all over the records, and over ENUNciated EVerything in exciting DYNAMIC voices, i.e. they were amazing. They took requests but had a “no Fleet Foxes” rule. They foolishly played a ska-punk version of Take On Me instead of the superior A-ha original, and I raged about not being able to do my special Take On Me dance. It involves whirling arms and no shame. Talking of dancing, I’ve noticed recently that most women have a sedate way of dancing, which involves polite sidesteps, swaying hips and shoulder rolling. I have perfected a dancing style that is probably best described with the euphemism “enthusiastic”. I am messy and awkward and not terribly aware of the shapes I am making. I dance for myself and not for the crowd. It is not pretty. This is possibly why I’ve had more teeth removed than I’ve had boyfriends.
Towards the end of the night, Jef decided that he wants to throw a Danny Dyer’s Deadliest Men party for his 30th. He will be Danny Dyer, and the guests will be required to dress as dangerous men, who will duke it out over the course of the evening to determine once and for all who is the deadliest. I predict a Hitler vs. Harold Shipman final.
Fast-forward to Sunday: last night I was woken several times by Jef’s housemate slamming doors and stomping around. I’d usually have been propelled out of the bedroom by the force of my own rage, but Jef’s housemate is going to war today, to Afghanistan, and I thought that if you’re going to cut a man some slack, it’s surely on the eve of his enlisting. So I lay there and fumed and tried not to think dark thoughts like “fuck off and die” because maybe he will.
I’ll leave you on that note. I hope you all had super-fantastical weekends.
As a relative novice to karaoke (although I might have been three times in the last two weeks), I have noticed there are several rules that, if followed, can only enhance your enjoyment. Here they are, for your future singing pleasure:
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Drinking vodka from a hip flask in the street before your performance can only help matters. As I noted at the time, perhaps if my mum and dad had been a bit more laissez-faire in their parenting, I would have got all that out of my system when I was 15.
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Find a signature tune. You may wish to rethink it if, say, you have chosen Ignition by R Kelly and realise you don’t know most of the tune. Or if “your song” is a mood-killer like Where The Wild Roses Grow. You are mistaken in thinking nothing says “party!” like a duet where Nick Cave murders Kylie Minogue.
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The gap between saying “oh no, I can’t possibly do this” and launching into “Heathcliff, it’s meeee, it’s Catheee, I’ve come ho-o-oooome” decreases in direct proportion to the number of cocktails imbibed.
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Interpretive dance will always improve a song. Especially if that song is Like A Prayer and you are posing as the black Jesus, helpfully yelping “I’m the black Jesus! Look! Look at me!”
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Are there people in your group who can carry a tune? Instruct them that this simply isn’t on and that it’s rubbish singing or nothing. If they persist on acting like they want to get through to boot camp, simply turn their microphone down and sing over them.
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Don’t bother pausing the song when the drinks lady comes in with your order. She’s been giggling outside the door for the last two minutes, listening to you caterwauling through Islands In The Stream. She’s probably surreptitiously uploaded it to YouTube already, in the Comedy category, tagged with “MEGALOLZ!!!”
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Are you part of an all female group? Then you will end with I Will Survive. Don’t fight it.
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